Heaven's Lifesong

"you are just a sad song with nothing to say"

It seems the more I move on, the more I grow up, the worse things get..

as I learn things, as I make mistakes and as I suffer because of someone else's mistake. things get bad, actually badder then bad.

I thought things would be so much different..

when I was younger, I thought everything would be soooo different,

I thought my life would be so flawless,
that everything would just fall into place..

but it hasn't
times have been rough.
and faith has been fading..

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds James 1:2

It is so hard to be joyful through these trials, when you KNOW these trials could have been avoid.

That you brought most of this upon yourself.

I understand now, why I shouldn't break a vow to god, I understand now, how I should, and will from now on live my life..

but my life is so broken now, that I have no idea where to start on the clean up.

Im alone once again..
i've hit rock bottom.. .

I've been here so many times before, and I'd never EVER thought that I'd be right back here, I thought I was past this...


I guess you are never actually really past rock bottom..

it's always there waiting for you to slipp up..


I wish I had a do-over..


I'd restart form the beginning. and walk carefully this time.
make sure not to make a mistake, and when I did, I would make sure I handled it with the utter most care.

I sometimes wonder how friends can be so cruel, how they can freeze you out so fast, when you make one mistake..

Just one,

we ALL make mistakes.
they have made mistakes as well,

but no do they remember that,

nope. because that was in the past.

that doesn't apply to this..


I can't wait for them to screw up.
so I can show them how to handle this..
the Christ-like way..

not like this at all. 


I guess I just need to learn something from this..

but I feel like im not learning anything.. at all, from any of my trials, i keep making the same mistake..

I feel like just a sad song, with nothing to say. :\\\|

.. I feel like im not living my life to the fullest like Im missing something.. the fire..

i missing the fire..

the will to live.